So, for the last year, I’ve been debating on what anyone would want to hear me say. How does my opinion or observation of things give any credence or value to anyone else? I’m a preachers kid with only a high school education (some college does NOT count in my book). I’m the mother of seven glorious children, three of whom have given me seven beautiful grand-babies. I dispatch for a law enforcement agency, currently; but, I’ve held more jobs than I can remember. I was married to my ex-husband for 22 years and prior to our divorce, made it my life’s ambition to focus on his career choices.  Currently, I’m remarried to a wonderful man, who is insanely addicted to building websites.  And he has greatly added to my family and life.

blah-de-blah, blah, blah…..

I don’t know. Do you want to hear about how life really stinks most of the time (I think) and that I struggle with being a good human, much less striving for holiness. More often than not, what I really want to do is – bean the mess out of people.

WOW!!!! THAT is so not “chaplain-ey” at all you say?! Well…. no, it’s not. But, I would rather tell the truth and then  – enlighten you about how awesome my God is ALL of the time. Despite me or my perceptions of life.

I feel like I can relate to the apostle Peter most of the time. You know, the female version. I’m loud, pretty rowdy and can be totally obnoxious. On the other hand, I run to the polar opposite of quiet to the point of reclusive. I study a lot  of things in the Word that fascinate me; and yet, I procrastinate on paying the bills. I CAN be spontaneous when provoked; however, that usually doesn’t turn out too well. Geez! What a pure mess!

Life (and Satan’s dominion too) has thrown a lot of fertilizer at me for as long as I can recall. My mother says that when someone treated me badly, I would wait until we got home to go to my room and cry about it alone. Well George, that was then and this is now and I’ve given up on the crying. Unfortunately, like most introverts, the explosions now, are caustic, massive, and can be very, very messy. I still do them alone- most of the time. But like Peter, [ say, didn’t he cut that guys ear off in the Garden of Gethsemane in the heat of the moment protecting Jesus? And then – just hours later, deny that he (Peter) knew Him (Jesus) with cursing added in for emphasis?] they’ve been, occasionally, in public.

My point being, I was told to write about what I know. Draw from my personal experiences. That is what good writers do. Most of what I can tell you about are the choices that you should probably rethink, or bad advice that you shouldn’t follow. Every one of us will recognize that the quote, “There but for the grace of God go I”, is totally applicable to  our lives. For those of us who have not gone to jail, it was strictly by God’s “grace” that we didn’t. We, as an entire creation, are pretty stupid, arrogant and just plain abominable! We are disgusting. (My son, Matthew, just said, “Oh dear Lord, she’s going on the soap box! Someone hide it quick!”).

We make the most horrifically tragic choices and then expect God to rake us out of the fire. Or worse yet, stand in the midst of the fiery ashes with a the “deer-in-the-headlights-look” plastered on our faces. And then – some of us will meditate on “how could that have possibly happened?” Gasp! Some of us… wait for it… wait for it… WE ACTUALLY hit the repeat button just for good measure. I personally think that hitting the repeat button is part of a shock reaction and should not be counted against us due to the circumstances.

Now- do not, I repeat, do not begin to think that I am completely negative about the human race. I am not. Remember, there are grand-babies involved here. And grand-babies are WONDERFUL!  And highly entertaining, and adorable (sometimes not) and exhausting and exasperating and… and… and… smaller versions of totally human, grownup us’s. Yet, the Word says, that He (God) loves us so much that He (God) sent His only chosen son (Jesus) to die for our disobedience and stupidity. How many of us know that it isn’t just disobedience that kills?

I know that there were quite a few of you that just envisioned a treasured recollection or few as you read this. Experiences of your own that testify and completely justify my blind statements above. Waxing eloquent is not necessary. It isn’t that I don’t recognize my own shock, terror, remorse and need for repentance; but getting on my knees to confess my own errors becomes so difficult. Because as I process my own stupidity and arrogance and disobedience, I also recognize that I know that I should stop and do better. And I am overwhelmed by how much of myself that I must endure; and that I need help for me. That is what draws me to my knees searching and desiring to do what is right. Seeking what is holy. Desiring what is true (not my perception of truth, but God’s truth).

I do have excellent news for you. Christ died for us, stupid and disobedient or not, He did. That is fact. How can we not love Him back? I think that is something that we all want to read more about. We want to read about the cure for us being us.

And with that, I will say good night.

Chaplain Dawn